"Winterfresh"
(Brian Connelly/Reid Diamond/Don Pyle)

Ah, ah ah ah ah ah aaah.
(repeated)

"Deck The Halls"
(traditional)

Ladies and gentlemen, join me now in welcoming, from downtown Vienna, Kurt Waldheim's favorite band, The Vienna Boys' Choir! Let's hear it!

Deck the halls with boughs of holly,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.
'Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our gay apparel,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Troll the ancient Yuletide carol,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

La la la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing Yule before us,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.
Strike the harp and join the chorus.
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

Sing we joyous, all together,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.
Heedless of the wind and weather,
Fa la la la la la, la la la la.

"The Twelve Answering Machine Messages Of Christmas"
(Brian Connelly/Reid Diamond/Don Pyle)

1

(The S Men play "Sleigh Ride")

2

Contamination is one of the major causes of illness during the holiday season. Always stuff your bird just before roasting. This may not be convienent, but, it is safest.

3

Hi. I'm not in, I'm gone. But, if you'd leave your name and number after you hear my universal message, I'd be thankful.
You dance…
Oh, I got it wrong. Okay, we'll just edit this in, okay? It's "He dances." He dances. Okay, hold on. Can I just start here? Okay.
He dances … with his little leather boots on
He sings … his reindeer things.
Damn!

4

Please, help put the "stma" back in Christmas!

5

(The Shadowy Men play "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town")

6

Remember, cash always fits!

7

[spoken, by Joey Ramone]
Hi kids, this is Joey Ramone here of the famous Ramones. Boy, this music's good for my nerves. We wanna wish you all a very very very happy holiday, don't we? And uh, merry Christmas and, uh, a happy Hanukkah for all our Jewish fans. Well, happy holidays! (Happy holidays) Happy holidays!

8

(The Shadowy Men play "Frosty The Snowman")

3, take two

Hi. I'm not in, I'm gone. But, if after you hear my universal message you leave your name and number, I'll have someone get back to you.
He dances, with his little leather boots on
He sings to his reindeer things.
On Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen, now Moonbeam…
Santa's called your name, and it's on his list! Ow!

9

1-2-3
Everybody's happy that it's the holiday season
Everybody's out at their friends and that's the reason that, uh…
We're not home
A-cha-cha!

10

If I were in, I'd already be home now. Have a happy holiday.

11

When doing your Christmas cards, don't forget Betty White. She can be reached at:
Post Office Box 3713
Grenada Hills, CA 91344
USA

12

(The Shadowy Men play "We Wish You A Merry Christmas")